Oh, it’s me again! 

Oh, Hi! Hm.  I’m not sure how to begin this time, do you guys ever just lie awake at night, scan through your life, weigh up pros and cons and wonder if it’s all really worth it? My thoughts have become increasingly darker, and I appear to have no roads left, but one.   If this third and final attempt would end in failure, how would I explain this to people? To colleagues, family and my beloved? 

Tomorrow night could be the correct time to pull this all off, once I gather the final pills I will need for this, though is an overdose really the answer? I know first hand how painful they are, how prolonged they can be, shutting down your vital organs one by one..though now talking about it has failed, medication (fluoxetine, sertraline, mertazipine, roboxetine) therapy and my final coping mechanism, cutting, have all failed me..this could truly be my last resort. 

I often find myself rambling within these blogs.  Though these are my inner thoughts, with no name included or location, I could be anyone.  I have a certain facade to live up to at work or around other people, only my darling gets to see the real me, the weak and vulnerable me, though she does help, and wants me to get better, hopelessness is an awful thing to experience, I pray none of you guys have to experience this, please feel free to share your experience, thoughts or advice? Forgive me, my love. 

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