Depression eating my relationship

I suppose recently I have been going through a hard time, much like everybody else these days.  I hate my job, when it used to be my place of healing, it’s now my place of destruction.  My perfect girl, my Emma.  She’s the cure to my depression.  She seems to understand and tries her best to comfort me whenever it’s possible, though recently things have taken a turn for the worst. 

My depression has hit an all time low, for the third time in my life, I’ve considered suicide, though going through with it? Now when I have the girl of my dreams, could I really leave her disdraught like that? Is it selfish to do so? Probably.  Though when you have this type of illness (is it fair to call it such…?) being selfish is what’s needed sometimes, my insecurities of past relationships, of constantly being belittled and cheated on, is seeping into our love.  My job eats at my ever dwindling sanity, and recently I have began to stock up on a multitude of painkillers and the likes, this will be my third and final attempt.   Please forgive me, my gorgeous girl.  


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